The second key to an emotionally healthier you is getting off autopilot and becoming intentional in response to your emotions.
Yesterday I posted on FB that Grief Sucks. A myriad of losses and reminders of losses overcame me in a moment. It was hard. It still is. I had a choice to go through my day like nothing was wrong (autopilot) or I could acknowledge my emotions and make intentional decisions to tend to the feelings of grief, sadness, loss, bewilderment, and tiredness.
One of those decisions was to go into the office later instead of pushing myself to be on time and in emotional pain. To be on time would have been autopilot mode for me. So I skipped the meeting.
For my first meeting of the day I choose to make a walking meeting instead of in the office. Changing the scenery and getting my body moving was so helpful.
Thankfully, I had planned a late lunch with a friend who was in town. So we both spoke about our grief and comforted each other.
The second key to an emotionally healthy life is intentionality in our choices. This requires pause and slowing down. What I learned yesterday is that sometimes you have to make the pause and other times you can plan the pause. Here’s what I mean. I gave myself space to cry and listen to music instead of clocking in on time. Then later that day, thankfully I had already planned lunch with a friend. Who knew how much we’d both need time together on THAT day? So make pauses to feel and be intentional about your next steps. Plan pauses regularly. When I’m at my optimal emotional health I plan and use pauses daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly. These look like breath breaks, journaling, all the way up to vacation. My goal is to get a solo vacation or weekend away soon! (I’m overdue).
Lastly, I share the six-second pause with you. Research shows that a six-second pause can help transform emotions. It helps us to disturb the emotional spiral we can find ourselves in. During the pause, instead of fueling the emotional energy you pause for six seconds and engage a different part of your brain by doing six math problems, naming the seven dwarfs, recalling the seven wonders of the world or football teams you like. Say each thing and take a breath. From there you can reengage the emotion without the charge and reaction. Instead, you’ve made a pause and now can consider responding.
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
This scripture comes to life with the six-second pause.
Pause to our rhythm disturbs the autopilot tendencies we create. Pauses give space for reflection, and discernment, literally space to feel what we’re feeling and to navigate or transform an emotion before we react instead of respond.
As Christians who value the pause or sabbath moments and sabbaticals these short and extended times help us connect with ourselves and God.
Action Brings Clarity
Think ahead: Make a list of what you’d do during a pause whether a six-second one or longer time away.
Then schedule 3 pauses in your calendar. It might be a breath break every day before returning to your desk after lunch. Or anyway you end the week or start the week in reflection by meditating, journaling, or walking.
Learn more about emotions and the six-second pause here
Take a high-level assessment and learn how you score in all three keys: 1. Cultivate an emotional vocabulary 2. Get off autopilot and become intentional and 3. Make value-based, purposeful decisions (which we will discuss next week). If you’re interested in learning more about all three keys to unlock your emotional intelligence the Unlock Your EQ assessment will help. Learn more about it here.
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