If you asked me 12 years ago about emotions I would have said, “Don’t trust them and don’t feel them—just have faith.” Even then I was struggling to put into practice what I knew to be true intellectually: I am not what I produce. I was also seeking validation from my productivity and results. This means I worked a lot. Too much! Stack that on top of, at the time trying to figure out being a new parent, and the emotional collision that smashed against my body as a panic attack was inevitable.
Looking back to my first panic attack in 2013, I know the seriousness of not acknowledging emotions, let alone navigating them. I mean I had to call 911 for the first time in my life because my emotional state was being revealed through my body as shortness of breath, shooting pain, elevated heart rate, and shaking.
The first key to unlocking emotional intelligence cultivating an emotional vocabulary. Simply put, knowing and using feeling words such as joyful, anxious, surprised, comforted, confused, bewildered. Despite being a journalism major in undergrad, when I first assessed my emotional vocabulary it was weak. I had three primary emotion words: happy, sad, and pissed off. It took time for me to identify new words to match what my body was feeling.
Because of this, I’m a fan of Feelings Wheels. I’m going to share two of them with you to support you in developing your emotional vocabulary. The first one is the one I’ve used the longest. In the middle are core emotions and you can see the other tiers of emotions. I like this one because I can see similar emotions to the one I might be experiencing or if I can identify one emotion, I follow the tier or color to determine if there are other emotions or one more suited than what I initially thought.
This wheel is great too because at first, I used it based on the colors. What colors did I feel drawn to in the moment? From there I’d read the emotions and select ones that resonated.
The second wheel is one I was given at church. Ashley Pondoff, Wellness Director at The Gathering, had these made and I love their practicality. The feeling is in the middle. The next layer describes how that feeling may show up in your body. The last layer gives you practical actions to take when you experience that emotion. Here’s an example: The feeling is happy. It may feel like the urge to be near people, laughing, hugging, or smiling. The action or response you could take is to stay in the moment, enjoy yourself, and express how you’re feeling to others.
This wheel is a great starting place and helps you identify what a feeling feels like in your body. I’ve never seen a wheel like this and I love that we have it available for people at church. It’s a great tool to cultivate and strengthen an emotional vocabulary.
One key to an emotionally healthier you is an emotional vocabulary. Next week I’ll share the second key, which is getting off autopilot to make intentional choices. If you’re interested in learning more about all three keys to unlock your emotional intelligence the Unlock Your EQ assessment will help. Learn more about it here.
Action Brings Clarity:
Consider which of the Feelings Wheels you'll use for the next 7 days.
Schedule a time in your calendar daily to check in and reflect for 2-3 minutes on what feelings you are experiencing or have experienced.
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